My UTI Saved My Life

Usually I’m pretty quiet about my personal life, but since I had a minor scare this year I figured I could help my ladies. I mostly post funny memes, but deep inside I have been sitting on pins and needles since February. 

I’m always down to try new products, right. I saw this add about alternatives to pads and tampons. Since I’m a health nut, I’m like YES. I want to try this! So, I did some research on the product and headed over to the “lady” aisle in Target. What’s the product, you may ask? It was the Diva Cup.

I bought it right before my next cycle came on. Day 1 was great. I put it in just right. No leaks or anything. The day went so well that I decided to promulgate its effectiveness to my girls in the group chat. Day 2 was not so great. I kept having breakthrough spills. Plus, I was at work and changing it out was a disaster. Side note: you need to take it out to pee. I’ll explain later. I am so glad I decided to wear a pantyliner. 

For the rest of my cycle, I decided to go back to tampons. The Diva Cup was entirely too much of a hassle. As the days progressed, I noticed that my urine was dark. I figured it was because I am slack about drinking water at work. I’m an assistant principal and my day is insane. I never sit down and rarely remember to use the restroom. But, the next day….UGH!!

It was a Friday night and I was about to head out with my girls to a Soca party. You know how I feel about Soca parties (see previous blog post). After my shower, I had to pee like crazy. It was nothing but a drip! That’s weird, right. So, I finish and get dressed to leave the house. I get to the party and we’re drinking. I have to pee like every five minutes, but it is still a drip. I figured it was the alcohol. Then, my night took a sinister turn. I had spotting when I went to the restroom. Weird, because my cycle had gone off days prior.

So, I go home and I am worried as all get out. The next morning, I tell hubby what’s going on. He’s like, “Yo, you need to go to the minute clinic.” I decided to get my hungover tail up and run to Target. The wait was like 30 minutes. I’m sitting out there looking crazy. At the appointment, I learned that I was experiencing my very first UTI. It was so bad that she wanted me to get a full check up with my primary care physician.

A few days later, I visited my OB. First of all, let me tell you how dope she is. She is the beautiful, tall Black girl with a very laid back personality. Can you tell how much I love her? So, she does a check up and was like, “What in the world did you do?” I explained my life and she immediately noticed the problem. The darn Diva Cup. When I went to the restroom with it in, it obstructed my urethra from expelling all of my urine. Therefore, some bacteria that would usually wash out, stayed in my system and created a bacteria feast in my bladder. She also noted that she would call with my pap results in a few days.

The dreaded call came. She explained how my pap showed signs of HPV and that she would need to take samples of my cervix for further examination. She scheduled for me to come in late February, after I came back from Colombia. Terrified, I went in and she had to snip snip. It was super uncomfortable, but not terribly painful. She explained that on a scale of 1 to 10, her concern for me was at a level 3. Apparently, this happens frequently. It can happen from using baby powder, soaps, sex, etc. The results came back a few days later and I received THEE call.

Dr. B, the coolest physician in the world, explained that I did have some precancerous sections on my cervix and that she would need to remove them. WHAT!!! She explained that she would need to do a LEEP procedure, where they burn off sections of your cervix. My eyes were the size of quarters. The problem, Covid-19. These results came in right around the time the city was shutting down to prevent the spread. So, she tentatively scheduled my operation for June 9th.

Leading up to the appointment, I was told to get my Covid-19 test done. It was simpler than I originally thought; just a swab in my nose. The Q-Tip was mad long though. That test came back negative, thankfully. They gave me this special antibacterial soap I was supposed to wash with before the procedure. So, on to my actual appointment.

Before the appointment, I was nervous AF. So nervous that I cleaned my entire kitchen, went to the gym, and had to “use” the bathroom. I guess I didn’t know what to expect. I decided to google LEEP. I learned that this was a 10 to 15 minute procedure where they literally burn off pieces of your cervix. To protect from pain, the doctor injected a local anesthesia. I could feel the pressure, but no pain. Except that one time she went a little too far over….the burn lawd!!

First of all, due to my anxiety I misread the email. My appointment was at 8:30 and I arrived at 9:30. I apologized and begged them to let me get this done today. If not, I think my nerves would have been jacked up forever! She told me to sit down and she would see what she could do. They literally called me back five minutes later.

My doctor walked in and was like, “Look, you late. I’m doing this between other appointments. If you got questions, you better tell me now because we’re getting this thing started.”

I was like, “Nah, you straight. Do what you gotta do.”

She put my grounding on, so I wouldn’t get fried by the current. Pried me open with the speculum, and heated up her tools. While it was baking, she gave me the anesthesia. During this time, she explained how the procedure would go and to let her know if I felt anything. I kid you not, I literally felt NOTHING. 

When she was about to get started, she was like, “It’s mad quiet in here. We need some music.”

I was like, “I have my phone. I got a dope Pandora station I could play. But, It’s hip hop and has cussing in it.”

She was like, “That’s my favorite type!”

I turned on my Megan Thee Stallion station on Pandora. My nurse, my doctor and I jammed while she cooked my insides. The procedure literally took about 10 minutes, then she had to clean the wounds. So, overall, I was there for a total of 45 minutes. After she was done, she let me lay there a few minutes to make sure I didn’t get light headed.

When I stood up to get dressed, a red cardinal flew into the window. He tapped the window two more times. I’m big into signs. I researched what it meant. Red cardinals are seen as spiritual guides to let you know you’re ok. They are there to comfort you. They are a sign that you are on the right track and that your good deeds are about to be recognized. With all the things I have going on, I definitely appreciated that sign. 

Once I stood up, I realized that I had to pee so bad. But I was scared. Would it hurt? Would it burn? Will I see crazy stuff that will make me freak out? I stood up, dressed and slowly walked down the hall to the restroom. Once again, I was over dramatic. I used that bathroom and it was barely anything that dripped out. Maybe in the future I’ll research ways to calm my anxiety. If I do, I’ll post it here.

Aftercare according to Hopkins Medicine:

• Wear a sanity napkin in case you drip. You’ll need it for the next few days, as you will spot. You cannot use a tampon!
• Do not stick anything up your hoohaa. That includes tampons or penises.
• No heavy lifting or crazy activity.
• You may need ibuprofen for cramping or pain.
• If you notice heavy discharge, pain, or weird smells, call your doctor!

Thanks for following me through this crazy procedure. I still have to get an additional follow-up check up in 2 weeks. If something crazy comes up, I’ll edit this post to add the findings. Have you had something crazy happen to you? Leave a note in the comments! Like and share please!